It’s been a week since the blood test results came in. My ob/Gyn proclaimed: “without a doubt, you are menopausal”.
This did not come as a real surprise for I have been on the cusp for a couple of years. It is just so official now. I have been processing how I feel about this new chapter in my life.
The word itself means the cessation of something important. It is really more than a pause. It is the end of my being fertile, the end of a younger chapter. Gone are the days of having young children under my feet . My rugrats are now my two cats Sammy and Winston. I get called mam frequently (I tell myself it is because I now live in the South).
My mortality can no longer be dismissed although I know if I take care of myself, I could have 30+ more years left.
As I have been processing the news of that blood test, my mood swings have been even more dramatic (hot flashes, night sweats, and lack of sleep don’t help).
I ask myself questions such as: does my husband still find me sexy and attractive? Am I still relevant and valuable in the workplace and in our youth obsessed society?
My periods may have stopped but I haven’t. I am still very much alive and on most days I am full of creative energy and doing meaningful work that I enjoy.
Words that give me some comfort right now are: “I am whole”, “I am complete”, and “I matter”.
It helps that I have a patient and loving husband. There are days that I just want to curl up and be left alone. Other days I am so excited about sharing myself and my projects with the world.
I don’t know what the future will bring but I do sense that this is in many ways the beginning of something… something good. Something meaningful. Something important.
To be continued…